Glorious Beautiful Mystery
Friday, September 18, 2009
the Search is on...
Lately, I've been so focused on my search for God's plans in my life.
Oftentimes the plans he has for my future are just a dormant dream, untouched and waiting for when the time comes to access them...to use the vision present in them to push me forward into further depths of sacrifice of my own desires and ways of life, and to pick up more of God's wise rich Love for me.
When these dreams are dormant, having clarity in them is unnecessary. I'm very content to let them sit until a new day comes to search them out again for meaning and encouragement.
HOWEVER, in a time like this, where purpose for this season of my life is fairly unclear, a season in which I'm simply waiting on the Lord to speak new direction, so I can listen and take action, having blurry dreams is SO ANNOYING!
And therefore, the search begins! I want more specific vision for this coming next step. I want to know for which I'm preparing. I want to know what it is I can be earnestly praying about until the day that it arrives. I want to know what it is God desires that I invest in so that it will reap harvest later in my life. There are so many good things out there to be had and experience, but not all of them are the means to the end that God desires for me. I want to be focused in my pursuit of the holiness that God has for me. We are only here on earth for a short time, and thus not all things are worthy of that time, for God has a particular role for each of us. We are to obey God in the things he specifically calls us individually to, rather than just earn religious approval by doing random good things where need is found.
"So God...what's my heading? to what direction do I aim? where is it you would have me stand?"
"Please do not keep silent. I can not live in this wandering for much longer."
"I know I've taken on damages in the past year, but full-working capacity or not, I cannot be aimless any longer. I need your touch in my life. I need that motor under me, pressing me forward to spend more radical moments with you. A mundane relationship causes such carelessness on my part, and I can't bear to be apart from you."
"Father...Dad...draw close to me, and speak plainly of your love, speak plainly of who I am to you, speak plainly of what you would have me do...I want to honor you all of my days. It gives me such pleasure to do your bidding and to have you walking with me all the while. Your touch is something so magnificant, it overwhelms me. I can't get enough of you. Breath is so sweet when I'm in your presence. Make life an endless moment with you. Help me to continue to see the wonders of your touch on so many things in my life daily. I want to be comforted by you alone. ....oh, to have that kind of intimacy with you. I won't want to be distracted for a second. ....and yet, you wish that I go out as well, to share you with others, to gift them with the knowledge of the things you've gifted to me, this intimacy. It's quite a tug of war."
"I love you Dad. I love that you let me so close, that I get real face time with you."
Night.
Oftentimes the plans he has for my future are just a dormant dream, untouched and waiting for when the time comes to access them...to use the vision present in them to push me forward into further depths of sacrifice of my own desires and ways of life, and to pick up more of God's wise rich Love for me.
When these dreams are dormant, having clarity in them is unnecessary. I'm very content to let them sit until a new day comes to search them out again for meaning and encouragement.
HOWEVER, in a time like this, where purpose for this season of my life is fairly unclear, a season in which I'm simply waiting on the Lord to speak new direction, so I can listen and take action, having blurry dreams is SO ANNOYING!
And therefore, the search begins! I want more specific vision for this coming next step. I want to know for which I'm preparing. I want to know what it is I can be earnestly praying about until the day that it arrives. I want to know what it is God desires that I invest in so that it will reap harvest later in my life. There are so many good things out there to be had and experience, but not all of them are the means to the end that God desires for me. I want to be focused in my pursuit of the holiness that God has for me. We are only here on earth for a short time, and thus not all things are worthy of that time, for God has a particular role for each of us. We are to obey God in the things he specifically calls us individually to, rather than just earn religious approval by doing random good things where need is found.
"So God...what's my heading? to what direction do I aim? where is it you would have me stand?"
"Please do not keep silent. I can not live in this wandering for much longer."
"I know I've taken on damages in the past year, but full-working capacity or not, I cannot be aimless any longer. I need your touch in my life. I need that motor under me, pressing me forward to spend more radical moments with you. A mundane relationship causes such carelessness on my part, and I can't bear to be apart from you."
"Father...Dad...draw close to me, and speak plainly of your love, speak plainly of who I am to you, speak plainly of what you would have me do...I want to honor you all of my days. It gives me such pleasure to do your bidding and to have you walking with me all the while. Your touch is something so magnificant, it overwhelms me. I can't get enough of you. Breath is so sweet when I'm in your presence. Make life an endless moment with you. Help me to continue to see the wonders of your touch on so many things in my life daily. I want to be comforted by you alone. ....oh, to have that kind of intimacy with you. I won't want to be distracted for a second. ....and yet, you wish that I go out as well, to share you with others, to gift them with the knowledge of the things you've gifted to me, this intimacy. It's quite a tug of war."
"I love you Dad. I love that you let me so close, that I get real face time with you."
Night.
posted by Jenee at 8:41 PM
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