Glorious Beautiful Mystery

Wow. I haven't written on here in so long. I've been so busy this semester, that it's not that I've been void of things to say, but just too occupied to sit down long enough to write them out.

     Lately, God has been provoking so much in me. He's still so good at shaking things up. I'm still so narrow minded at times, that God can't really speak to me until I allow him to shake me free from so many old ways of seeing things.
     The world, and our lives, are so much more open to experience God than I so often realize. The great I AM is so much bigger and greater than I tend to imagine. ...who would have thunk??
     Recently, this has been My Father's question to my heart. "What would it look like to consistently live with a spirit of joy?" Then He says, "Sometimes it's more important to live out of a spirit of joy than it is to accomplish anything."

Now to preface that... I've been learning to be less up-tight for some time now. Maybe even a couple years. The Lord has been walking with me through a time of laying down my need to do so well, at everything, at all times. Everything I put my hands to, I want to succeed at accomplishing with excellence. And when worded like that it doesn't actually sound like a bad thing. However, I began noticing my tendency to get rather frustrated with people who hindered my ability to achieve my goals. And I began to notice the way I would become stressed out and rather complainy with people instead of increasingly friendly and out-going. I would revert inward to escape, and then be aggravated that no one was around to help me relax. It's funny thinking about it now. I made it so that anybody who made it hard on me to pursue my high standards became obstacles in my way, and finding others who could help me advance became such a near impossible task. So, loneliness and disappointment became the most familiar sentiments in my life.
     And to be more specific, I can honestly put all of this in the setting of coffee shops. As I've worked in coffee shops for the last couple years, I've come into close contact with task-oriented versus people-oriented daily. Having to perform a task to get the job done is very necessary in any job environment. However, in a coffee shop, one of the most necessary components of work, as well, is customer service. ...being warm and friendly and engaging with people. Customers come to a coffee shop to BE relational. So, naturally, people who work at coffee shops tend to be relational. And managers tend to train you, as well, to learn to be relational. ...And it's not that I'm never a relational person. It's just that this has been a place where I've had to so closely mix the two 'extremes' (shall we call them). I'm consistently confronted with all of my task-oriented tendencies while trying to find a way to make room for friendly relationships (with co-workers and customers). (Because people who are people-oriented see a friendship as having different kinds of interaction -more or less- than a task-oriented person.) A task-oriented person might see a nice friendship as someone they can depend on and work well with. While a people-oriented person might see a nice friendship as someone they can converse and have fun with. See the difference!? : )
So, my intentions, in the past couple of years, have continually been drawn back to becoming a more ‘easygoing’ person. And now more recently, to become a more ‘friendship-oriented’ person. I want to make relationship priority, as well, as task-dependability.

     And with that said, God has been asking me to go even a step further! He asks,
"What would it look like to consistently live with a spirit of joy?" "Sometimes it's more important to live out of a spirit of joy than it is to accomplish anything."

Wow. This is not just a challenge, it’s a solution! What I’ve yet to fully divulge is that I don’t like having loneliness and disappointment be my most common companions. I WANT to live with a spirit of joy. The issue has always been that it’s so hard to let go of the need to do well, and simply enjoy every moment instead! My Loving Father will honor my desire to be faithful, even as I live consistently in the knowledge of my salvation being the single most important and greatest gift in my life! How can I not simply enjoy every moment? How can I choose to continually hold onto the comfort I find in achievement when it’s so often accompanied by stress and loneliness? How can I think that my own achievements will ever be better than Christ’s achievement?? He died so that I would be set free! Free from bondage. Free from the need to earn anything. Free from the need to find an identity in what I can accomplish. Jesus died to give me joy! It’s joy He wants me to gain. Not duty. Not even success (as we call it). Success is obedience! Success is hearing the voice of our Lord! Success is Relationship!!! We get to not only love whole-heartedly without the bondage of selfishness. We get to be loved by a God, who sees all our efforts and all of our set-backs. He judges righteously. And He desires mercy. He doesn’t let one act of love go unnoticed. And He doesn’t let one willing, repentant heart go unwanted. He forgives those who put faith in him, and extends grace to those who seek his face.
My God, My God, I’ve been so blind. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for having mercy on me. Now, I will begin walking free of yet another set of chains I’ve been carrying. Your freedom is so good. Your yoke IS easy, and your burden IS light. How can I ever complain that it’s work to get these chains off of me? Oh, poor me, that I must labor to be set free from chains!?! We reap what we sow, and this freedom is so sweet.