Glorious Beautiful Mystery
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Braggin on my Father
So, it's been a long time. Almost a year since I wrote a blog here last.
But I finally have something I'm making the time to post!
There’s been a reoccurring challenge the Lord has given me over the past 4 years. He says to me, “I am actively involved in your life; Watch me provide for you. I dare you to put a need before me, and let me fill it without you lifting a finger.”
And so, over the past 4 years there have been various things that have come up, that I have literally watched the Lord provide without doing anything myself. It’s like He said, “You haven’t believed me, that I will do it. You’ve left no room for me to help you in the past.”
And as the years have passed, I sometimes begin to start again, doing things myself, forgetting to look to the Lord for his help and provision. I forget that He’s in this with me, and I fall back into my old ways, and try to do it all on my own, as if that is somehow more comfortable. (when in reality it's stressful and lonely, and I'm a mess.)
So today, I’d like to brag on my Papa. This past year has not been void of these such instances where my life is so full, and I'm overwhelmed in different ways, and I really need to remember I'm not alone, that the Father is not only with me, but sees me and helps me. In the middle of these times He has provided wonderful things for me. He reminds me, “I am here. I can help you if you’ll let me.” “I love spending time with you, AND ALSO, I like doing things for you!” Wow. Ok.
Sometimes it’s not even the huge things that matter the most. It’s the small things that can catch my attention and have me feeling so seen and cared about. So, I will proceed now to give you some wonderful examples.
One example is how I came to be in Cambodia in the first place. This past year in Cambodia has been a prayer in my heart for more than 5 years now. I prayed at the beginning of 2011 for a place to volunteer and do missions for at least a year. I wanted a place I could really know people, work in ministry, and LEARN LOTS! So, last year, when I was here in Cambodia on a shorter term basis, the Lord said, “Look. Do you see? Do you remember your prayer? This next year is going to be that year. You have a wonderful ministry to be a part of, lots of room to practice and grow, and the people are fully ready to let you into their hearts.” So crazy! Yay Lord! I'll take it!
Another example came about as I started to settle into the heat, city life, and traffic here in Cambodia among other things. One particular hassle that I kept running into was transportation. I had tried to drive a moto around the last year, but really felt uncomfortable and honestly dangerous doing so. The traffic is so bad here and nobody really follows the road rules. Plus, I realized I never road a bicycle much as a kid either. I know how, but it wasn’t second nature to me at all. Therefore, even though normally I love a challenge and enjoy conquering new things, I found myself submitting to riding only in tuk tuks and paying for motorcycle taxis to take me around town. This lasted for about 4 to 5 months before I started to really feel a desire for more freedom and to save money! Yet, I still felt stress at the prospect of trying to drive a motorcycle and even at trying to do the work to purchase one, especially if I ended up still hating it. So, I mentioned it to the Lord. I told Him I really wanted a new solution, and I set it gently into His hands. I knew I had no solution of my own. I only had feelings of stress and no time or energy to make it a real priority. So, I just sent up a “Can you take this one for me?”
Not too long after, a friend of mine randomly mentioned she had an old bicycle she needed to get rid of. And I found myself saying, “Can I have it?” And I knew, the Lord was providing. I had not wanted to ride a bike before because of the heat and knowing I would be working up a sweat every time I went even a few blocks. However, the weather was slowly getting better and I knew it was time. The Lord was giving me a way out, and he provided the bike at no cost, no time, and no energy. Wow Papa. Thank you.
After riding it around town for a while, I continued to be more and more grateful. I really felt freedom in ways I didn't even realize I desperately needed. I felt so seen by the Lord. He saw and provided for my needs in places I didn't even have a grid to ask for yet.
And this example keeps going. My Father was not done treating me to good things. The bicycle really has been so good to me. I love it. I love that my legs are stronger for it. And I love that it's light and agile in traffic.
Even still, I was having trouble. When friends make plans far away, I still have to pay for other transportation. And when my tuk tuk waits for me because I had to stay longer, I have to pay him more. And when it's late at night, it's hard to find a good tuk tuk. ...Basically, I was running into a standstill again. I was still afraid of driving a moto while also no longer wanting to be confined to a bicycle. So, I started asking the Lord for other options again. Will I get over my fear? Will it be possible to drive a moto around without feeling completely stressed out? Can I start driving a moto without having to pay to rent one or to buy one? ...So, I slowly let these questions be lifted up to my precious Papa. I thought to myself, "This is just the kind of thing God likes to help me with."
And no real surprise here. About a week ago, I realized I had a friend who rented a moto and shortly after bought a much bigger moto. Therefore, he still had more than 2 weeks on his rental agreement with the first moto... and... no one to drive it! So very sad. I knew I must help him! haha
With some encouragement from the Lord, I made my request, "Can I use your moto for the remaining weeks?" And you know what he said, "You betcha!" haha (not really those exact words;) Only a couple days later, I was facing my fears and making plans to go pick up the moto. I decided to borrow a moto for a quick drive down the street and back just to make sure I could really do this. And guess what? My Father knew I was ready. He had prepared me himself. After riding that bicycle for so many months, I have great balance now and know everything I need to about the flow of traffic (even without people following road rules!) It felt like a breeze! So off to the moto place I went. I drove black with no problems whatsoever. I was actually enjoying myself! Who knew it would be so easy!? That bicycle gave me everything I needed to be ready to drive this rental moto now. I feel so liberated and encouraged and believed in and enjoyed by the Father! He really is a wonderful wonderful man.
So, to put icing on the cake, I decided to do a Cambodian transport the very next day (today) with my bicycle. I strapped the bicycle to my moto and drove it home. (with help from friends) No problems. Got all the way home and was greeted by lots of laughter from my Cambodian guards. I was a foreigner transporting 'Oversized' cargo on my moto. So Fun! Then, later this evening, I wanted to drive close to home to get gelato with my roommate Yvonne, and I didn't want her to pay for a tuk tuk. So, I offered to let her ride with me! My first real passenger! I'll need more practice to go farther distances in the future, but so many milestones have been achieved in just two short days!! My daddy is just heaping on the blessings. I feel so utterly grateful.
He's a good good Father. He really really is.
__________________________________________________________________
The Lord did many other small things for me that I’ve loved. I’ll list a few more if you care to read them.
-At one point, I wanted flowers to liven up my apartment. I figured I would put them on the porch. Something beautiful I could look at while at home. I took notice of a particular purple flower that I saw people selling around town. I knew I wanted to buy one at some point, but had yet to make the stop, knowing I needed a way to get it home and didn't want to be way overcharged either. Within days, I found myself riding past my neighbor, right across the street, who had planted about a 2 square meter plot full of those exact purple flowers. I now ride past it every day and can see it from my balcony in my apartment. The Lord whispered to me, "Do you like the flowers I planted for you?" He's so dang sweet.
-Another time, I was thinking about what kind of food I like. Which is really random because I honestly like all kinds of food and rarely care or crave anything in particular. But I was thinking about it and what I would choose if I could have anything that day. I realized I don't in actuality love restaurants because my mother's cooking has always been my favorite, and she's from Mobile, Alabama. It's good southern cooking. Yum! So, I thought about her pot roast. And it sounded so good. I kid you not. By lunchtime that day, I ended up at a restaurant which I did not pick out and found myself seeing pot roast on the menu and it was actually super good! A lot like my mother's. :) Thanks again Papa. You spoil me. ;)
-Much more recently, I was in need of new shoes. This is a particular item that can be hard to get in Cambodia. It turns out, Asians have small feet. And I... do not. Also, I wanted to not spend a lot of money. I figured I could find something cheap, or just keep wearing the flip flops I had as long as possible. I knew eventually I would have to give in and find something, but I didn't think it was imminent quite yet. Here in Cambodia it can feel hard to find things between too cheap and low quality or too expensive and not worth it. Anyway, I mentioned it to my Papa. I asked if he could keep an eye out for me. Just two weeks ago, a friend sent a picture asking if anyone wanted her shoes! They were exactly my size, only worn once, and TOMS! They're a light blue and so nice! Lovely really :) Thank you Papa. You know how to give good gifts!
The list could go on. He really is a good good Father.
There’s been a reoccurring challenge the Lord has given me over the past 4 years. He says to me, “I am actively involved in your life; Watch me provide for you. I dare you to put a need before me, and let me fill it without you lifting a finger.”
And so, over the past 4 years there have been various things that have come up, that I have literally watched the Lord provide without doing anything myself. It’s like He said, “You haven’t believed me, that I will do it. You’ve left no room for me to help you in the past.”
And as the years have passed, I sometimes begin to start again, doing things myself, forgetting to look to the Lord for his help and provision. I forget that He’s in this with me, and I fall back into my old ways, and try to do it all on my own, as if that is somehow more comfortable. (when in reality it's stressful and lonely, and I'm a mess.)
So today, I’d like to brag on my Papa. This past year has not been void of these such instances where my life is so full, and I'm overwhelmed in different ways, and I really need to remember I'm not alone, that the Father is not only with me, but sees me and helps me. In the middle of these times He has provided wonderful things for me. He reminds me, “I am here. I can help you if you’ll let me.” “I love spending time with you, AND ALSO, I like doing things for you!” Wow. Ok.
Sometimes it’s not even the huge things that matter the most. It’s the small things that can catch my attention and have me feeling so seen and cared about. So, I will proceed now to give you some wonderful examples.
One example is how I came to be in Cambodia in the first place. This past year in Cambodia has been a prayer in my heart for more than 5 years now. I prayed at the beginning of 2011 for a place to volunteer and do missions for at least a year. I wanted a place I could really know people, work in ministry, and LEARN LOTS! So, last year, when I was here in Cambodia on a shorter term basis, the Lord said, “Look. Do you see? Do you remember your prayer? This next year is going to be that year. You have a wonderful ministry to be a part of, lots of room to practice and grow, and the people are fully ready to let you into their hearts.” So crazy! Yay Lord! I'll take it!
Another example came about as I started to settle into the heat, city life, and traffic here in Cambodia among other things. One particular hassle that I kept running into was transportation. I had tried to drive a moto around the last year, but really felt uncomfortable and honestly dangerous doing so. The traffic is so bad here and nobody really follows the road rules. Plus, I realized I never road a bicycle much as a kid either. I know how, but it wasn’t second nature to me at all. Therefore, even though normally I love a challenge and enjoy conquering new things, I found myself submitting to riding only in tuk tuks and paying for motorcycle taxis to take me around town. This lasted for about 4 to 5 months before I started to really feel a desire for more freedom and to save money! Yet, I still felt stress at the prospect of trying to drive a motorcycle and even at trying to do the work to purchase one, especially if I ended up still hating it. So, I mentioned it to the Lord. I told Him I really wanted a new solution, and I set it gently into His hands. I knew I had no solution of my own. I only had feelings of stress and no time or energy to make it a real priority. So, I just sent up a “Can you take this one for me?”
Not too long after, a friend of mine randomly mentioned she had an old bicycle she needed to get rid of. And I found myself saying, “Can I have it?” And I knew, the Lord was providing. I had not wanted to ride a bike before because of the heat and knowing I would be working up a sweat every time I went even a few blocks. However, the weather was slowly getting better and I knew it was time. The Lord was giving me a way out, and he provided the bike at no cost, no time, and no energy. Wow Papa. Thank you.
After riding it around town for a while, I continued to be more and more grateful. I really felt freedom in ways I didn't even realize I desperately needed. I felt so seen by the Lord. He saw and provided for my needs in places I didn't even have a grid to ask for yet.
And this example keeps going. My Father was not done treating me to good things. The bicycle really has been so good to me. I love it. I love that my legs are stronger for it. And I love that it's light and agile in traffic.
Even still, I was having trouble. When friends make plans far away, I still have to pay for other transportation. And when my tuk tuk waits for me because I had to stay longer, I have to pay him more. And when it's late at night, it's hard to find a good tuk tuk. ...Basically, I was running into a standstill again. I was still afraid of driving a moto while also no longer wanting to be confined to a bicycle. So, I started asking the Lord for other options again. Will I get over my fear? Will it be possible to drive a moto around without feeling completely stressed out? Can I start driving a moto without having to pay to rent one or to buy one? ...So, I slowly let these questions be lifted up to my precious Papa. I thought to myself, "This is just the kind of thing God likes to help me with."
And no real surprise here. About a week ago, I realized I had a friend who rented a moto and shortly after bought a much bigger moto. Therefore, he still had more than 2 weeks on his rental agreement with the first moto... and... no one to drive it! So very sad. I knew I must help him! haha
With some encouragement from the Lord, I made my request, "Can I use your moto for the remaining weeks?" And you know what he said, "You betcha!" haha (not really those exact words;) Only a couple days later, I was facing my fears and making plans to go pick up the moto. I decided to borrow a moto for a quick drive down the street and back just to make sure I could really do this. And guess what? My Father knew I was ready. He had prepared me himself. After riding that bicycle for so many months, I have great balance now and know everything I need to about the flow of traffic (even without people following road rules!) It felt like a breeze! So off to the moto place I went. I drove black with no problems whatsoever. I was actually enjoying myself! Who knew it would be so easy!? That bicycle gave me everything I needed to be ready to drive this rental moto now. I feel so liberated and encouraged and believed in and enjoyed by the Father! He really is a wonderful wonderful man.
So, to put icing on the cake, I decided to do a Cambodian transport the very next day (today) with my bicycle. I strapped the bicycle to my moto and drove it home. (with help from friends) No problems. Got all the way home and was greeted by lots of laughter from my Cambodian guards. I was a foreigner transporting 'Oversized' cargo on my moto. So Fun! Then, later this evening, I wanted to drive close to home to get gelato with my roommate Yvonne, and I didn't want her to pay for a tuk tuk. So, I offered to let her ride with me! My first real passenger! I'll need more practice to go farther distances in the future, but so many milestones have been achieved in just two short days!! My daddy is just heaping on the blessings. I feel so utterly grateful.
He's a good good Father. He really really is.
__________________________________________________________________
The Lord did many other small things for me that I’ve loved. I’ll list a few more if you care to read them.
-At one point, I wanted flowers to liven up my apartment. I figured I would put them on the porch. Something beautiful I could look at while at home. I took notice of a particular purple flower that I saw people selling around town. I knew I wanted to buy one at some point, but had yet to make the stop, knowing I needed a way to get it home and didn't want to be way overcharged either. Within days, I found myself riding past my neighbor, right across the street, who had planted about a 2 square meter plot full of those exact purple flowers. I now ride past it every day and can see it from my balcony in my apartment. The Lord whispered to me, "Do you like the flowers I planted for you?" He's so dang sweet.
-Another time, I was thinking about what kind of food I like. Which is really random because I honestly like all kinds of food and rarely care or crave anything in particular. But I was thinking about it and what I would choose if I could have anything that day. I realized I don't in actuality love restaurants because my mother's cooking has always been my favorite, and she's from Mobile, Alabama. It's good southern cooking. Yum! So, I thought about her pot roast. And it sounded so good. I kid you not. By lunchtime that day, I ended up at a restaurant which I did not pick out and found myself seeing pot roast on the menu and it was actually super good! A lot like my mother's. :) Thanks again Papa. You spoil me. ;)
-Much more recently, I was in need of new shoes. This is a particular item that can be hard to get in Cambodia. It turns out, Asians have small feet. And I... do not. Also, I wanted to not spend a lot of money. I figured I could find something cheap, or just keep wearing the flip flops I had as long as possible. I knew eventually I would have to give in and find something, but I didn't think it was imminent quite yet. Here in Cambodia it can feel hard to find things between too cheap and low quality or too expensive and not worth it. Anyway, I mentioned it to my Papa. I asked if he could keep an eye out for me. Just two weeks ago, a friend sent a picture asking if anyone wanted her shoes! They were exactly my size, only worn once, and TOMS! They're a light blue and so nice! Lovely really :) Thank you Papa. You know how to give good gifts!
The list could go on. He really is a good good Father.
posted by Jenee at 8:10 AM
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