Glorious Beautiful Mystery

I don't know who's praying for me, but I'm so good!
God IS faithful.
     I didn't do anything to deserve it. There was no special formula. I was just waiting on the Lord like a watchman. And, honestly, it was with very little faith that anything would actually change. I waited just simply in earnest desire for something more. And I listened to music that was filled with faith, that I couldn't relate to, though I wanted to be able to.
     As pictures of the way I felt got more and more horrifying, my sadness grew deeper and deeper with such agony. And suddenly something started to happen. God began speaking into me about who I was and how he created me through the songs I was listening to. It was all about fighting for Love. He declared that I Am, in fact, a missionary at heart. And I also do tend to throw myself under the bus for people. That, as much as it's a fault, it's also something he's so proud of me for because of the places it's going to take me when I learn how to use it well. And then guess what happened? I began dreaming! I don't think I've done that successfully for at least 7 months. The kind of dreams that make any situation look hopeful. The kind of dreaming that causes hope and promise to burn in your heart. And plans begin to form and friendships look bright with anticipation for what's to come. Oh, to dream. What a glorious gift it is that God has given us. Our Father is wise indeed. I've been wondering what was missing in my heart, and I think I just found it! Really. It was missing. Hopelessness has been consuming me more or less. My only strategy has been to ignore it so as not to be overtaken by it. I've known I was not strong enough to win that battle so I willingly declined to even match up against it. And now my Father has won the battle for me and handed me the victory! Thank you Papa.