Glorious Beautiful Mystery
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I need a Good Wooing
*sigh*…
…it’s been a long couple of weeks. …maybe months.
My lack of scheduled events to make my calendar look full, has in no way kept my life from a whirl wind of busy.
I feel rather assaulted with life as an adult. I mean, I don’t mind taking on new responsibilities as much as feeling there are fewer and fewer places to feel secure.
In a time when God is “supposed to” (in my heart’s opinion) be leading me rather kindly and gently into change and growth, I feel utterly confronted with the fact that he’s not been my favorite person lately. We’ve been wrestling for at least a good 8 months now, and with life getting so busy, where’s the time for conflict resolution and relationship rebuild? I feel cheated out of a good old-fashion wooing from my creator who loves me. I can feel the wrestling coming to an end, but I can’t find the energy to sneak away for any good quality time to make real amends.
….blah…
Well, …at least this is all helping me to see that it really is God that is the most important relationship in life. Not because I never thought or acted on that before, but because I’m actually experiencing it now, first hand, in a whole new way.
I was thinking this morning on the drive to church that I really miss the warmth I used to feel at the first thought of God, and how it never took much to feel the intimacy between us. And that living without that relationship with God is the most damaging act out there. I haven’t felt that specific kind of nearness with God in a while.
And I realized it’s because I’ve been blaming all of my hardships in the past 8 months on previous sin done against me. I’ve been thinking that my heart was just so damaged by others that life took on a whole new shape just to heal.
And even as that might be true in part, the reality of the hardship, is that somewhere in the mess of everything that was going on, I stopped trusting God.
And it’s been THAT in itself, that has single-handedly destroyed my heart.
I mean, how can someone live in an unsafe world without a strong God close by to protect them? There are way too many ways to get hurt and never recover. My injury being one of them.
And so, as I see my true issue, I can begin to take heart. Our God is so merciful that he is not only not offended with how I’ve been withholding my trust, but he is ever willing and rather passionate to remedy all of the distance that has developed between us.
…it’s been a long couple of weeks. …maybe months.
My lack of scheduled events to make my calendar look full, has in no way kept my life from a whirl wind of busy.
I feel rather assaulted with life as an adult. I mean, I don’t mind taking on new responsibilities as much as feeling there are fewer and fewer places to feel secure.
In a time when God is “supposed to” (in my heart’s opinion) be leading me rather kindly and gently into change and growth, I feel utterly confronted with the fact that he’s not been my favorite person lately. We’ve been wrestling for at least a good 8 months now, and with life getting so busy, where’s the time for conflict resolution and relationship rebuild? I feel cheated out of a good old-fashion wooing from my creator who loves me. I can feel the wrestling coming to an end, but I can’t find the energy to sneak away for any good quality time to make real amends.
….blah…
Well, …at least this is all helping me to see that it really is God that is the most important relationship in life. Not because I never thought or acted on that before, but because I’m actually experiencing it now, first hand, in a whole new way.
I was thinking this morning on the drive to church that I really miss the warmth I used to feel at the first thought of God, and how it never took much to feel the intimacy between us. And that living without that relationship with God is the most damaging act out there. I haven’t felt that specific kind of nearness with God in a while.
And I realized it’s because I’ve been blaming all of my hardships in the past 8 months on previous sin done against me. I’ve been thinking that my heart was just so damaged by others that life took on a whole new shape just to heal.
And even as that might be true in part, the reality of the hardship, is that somewhere in the mess of everything that was going on, I stopped trusting God.
And it’s been THAT in itself, that has single-handedly destroyed my heart.
I mean, how can someone live in an unsafe world without a strong God close by to protect them? There are way too many ways to get hurt and never recover. My injury being one of them.
And so, as I see my true issue, I can begin to take heart. Our God is so merciful that he is not only not offended with how I’ve been withholding my trust, but he is ever willing and rather passionate to remedy all of the distance that has developed between us.
posted by Jenee at 4:17 PM
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