Glorious Beautiful Mystery
Saturday, November 21, 2009
the ability to Forget
As sad as it sounds, our ability to forget is a very dear gift God has given us. For I fear I would not survive if I lived everyday in constant memory of Latin America and all of my dear dear friends there, without being able to actually see them and pasar el dia con ellos. It's good to simply store the memories away for a special day rather than be tortured by them every minute of every day. I have to be really careful when I access them, so that I'm gentle with mi corazon. It's mostly painful because my friends are so scattered all over the place that a simple 1,000 dollar plane ticket is not enough to bring them all back to life, in front of me, to enjoy them like I want. However, being that God is such a good Father and the best gift-giver in existence, I feel I will see those people again, at many different times, in many different ways. And it's going to be so great! He's already done it once when he invited me to Costa Rica last November (2008) and reunited so many of my DTS classmates and I. My heart leapt for joy. And I know God enjoyed my joy so much that he will do it again without my needing to even strive for it. Amen!
a New Dream, a New Hope
I don't know who's praying for me, but I'm so good!
God IS faithful.
I didn't do anything to deserve it. There was no special formula. I was just waiting on the Lord like a watchman. And, honestly, it was with very little faith that anything would actually change. I waited just simply in earnest desire for something more. And I listened to music that was filled with faith, that I couldn't relate to, though I wanted to be able to.
As pictures of the way I felt got more and more horrifying, my sadness grew deeper and deeper with such agony. And suddenly something started to happen. God began speaking into me about who I was and how he created me through the songs I was listening to. It was all about fighting for Love. He declared that I Am, in fact, a missionary at heart. And I also do tend to throw myself under the bus for people. That, as much as it's a fault, it's also something he's so proud of me for because of the places it's going to take me when I learn how to use it well. And then guess what happened? I began dreaming! I don't think I've done that successfully for at least 7 months. The kind of dreams that make any situation look hopeful. The kind of dreaming that causes hope and promise to burn in your heart. And plans begin to form and friendships look bright with anticipation for what's to come. Oh, to dream. What a glorious gift it is that God has given us. Our Father is wise indeed. I've been wondering what was missing in my heart, and I think I just found it! Really. It was missing. Hopelessness has been consuming me more or less. My only strategy has been to ignore it so as not to be overtaken by it. I've known I was not strong enough to win that battle so I willingly declined to even match up against it. And now my Father has won the battle for me and handed me the victory! Thank you Papa.
God IS faithful.
I didn't do anything to deserve it. There was no special formula. I was just waiting on the Lord like a watchman. And, honestly, it was with very little faith that anything would actually change. I waited just simply in earnest desire for something more. And I listened to music that was filled with faith, that I couldn't relate to, though I wanted to be able to.
As pictures of the way I felt got more and more horrifying, my sadness grew deeper and deeper with such agony. And suddenly something started to happen. God began speaking into me about who I was and how he created me through the songs I was listening to. It was all about fighting for Love. He declared that I Am, in fact, a missionary at heart. And I also do tend to throw myself under the bus for people. That, as much as it's a fault, it's also something he's so proud of me for because of the places it's going to take me when I learn how to use it well. And then guess what happened? I began dreaming! I don't think I've done that successfully for at least 7 months. The kind of dreams that make any situation look hopeful. The kind of dreaming that causes hope and promise to burn in your heart. And plans begin to form and friendships look bright with anticipation for what's to come. Oh, to dream. What a glorious gift it is that God has given us. Our Father is wise indeed. I've been wondering what was missing in my heart, and I think I just found it! Really. It was missing. Hopelessness has been consuming me more or less. My only strategy has been to ignore it so as not to be overtaken by it. I've known I was not strong enough to win that battle so I willingly declined to even match up against it. And now my Father has won the battle for me and handed me the victory! Thank you Papa.
