Glorious Beautiful Mystery

Do you ever find yourself just wanting to hold someone until all their pain goes away? that maybe somehow your love could heal all their wounds and circumstances and suddenly everything would just be ok.

I'm going to sleep in a lavish bed tonight that warms my heart in all the ways physical comfort can, and then I think about people who have so many physical struggles in their life that leave them cold, sore, weary, hurting, dehydrated, malnourished, weak, exhausted...

and I want to hold them.
I want to give them so much, to experience the relief of being fed well, and sleeping so that you don't wake with an aching back from the hard ground or sore joints from the cold night.

God has provided for my needs and what of theirs?
And so maybe I have enough to help one person in desperate need,
but what of the world of others?

"God, I choose to trust you in your sovereignty. And if I am to help, it will not be for the whole, but for the one. So, I trust you for the whole as I'm tasked to the one."

"God, how can I ever wrap my mind around the suffering that goes on in this world? and you understand every intricate detail in every person's life. My heart could not take the pain of it all, and yet you do not ask that of me."
"You're going to let me see things that are unfathomable to the human heart until assaulted with them, and you do not expect me to take on an overwhelming burden, though the temptation will be there. You only require that I see, and do not try to hide from the pain. I am to conquer it with your love, letting it burn inside of me, and the power from it to move mountains. (and raise people from the dead)"

Ok, so I figure alot of people might want to know just exactly why I got the word "Daughter" tattooed on my wrist.

    This past July I went on a road trip up through middle and into northern California with my Mom and older sister. I lounged in the backseat most of the trip, not really admiring the passing coastline or city-scapes, but more listening to music and letting my mind wander. You could sum up my thoughts to..."It would seem my life is taking a new interesting direction lately and I'm not quite sure just how I feel about that."
    So, in the midst of seeing quite literally before me, in my life, how drastically things can change without ever knowing to prepare or seeing it coming, I decided there are very few things we can really hold on to with certainty. And actually, there's really just One. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. So, my relationship with him is a constant. Even when my surroundings change, or my people change, or my opportunities change. God, without fail, is there. And in my life, that makes him my closet friend. He's the only one who's traveled with me through everything, in the United States and out. He knows my every thought and action. He knows my little idiosyncrosies and deepest desires. When everything else fades away, God remains.
    SO....I wanted a tattoo reminding me of that. of the depth of relationship and intimacy I have with God. of how he stands by me. he's my warm familiar place. (when all else seems so cold and unknown, like I don't really belong)

He is my perfect Father, el Rey de Reyes, ...and I am his Daughter, su amigo soy.

   So, I've decided I don't want to let fear hinder God's provision in my life anymore. I know that's going to be a huge feat, but I'm deciding now to make decisions that will not glorify my fear. I want the clarity of Jesus and his love in my life. I don't want fear muddying it up anymore, for as much as I can help it.
   It doesn't even matter how valid the fears are, how deep the wound is that brought them about in the first place. The reality is that fear only hinders God's advancement in my life. ...which means, I suddenly have no access to his love for me in that area. ....which sucks.
   I want ... no, Need his love in my life. I'm sufficating without the knowledge of how he feels about me daily resinating within me. Somewhere along the line these unwanted fears have crept in and taken over. I claim them as my own no more. It's time to fight back and destroy them where they stand.
   And mostly, I think this means simply saying No to them. I don't feel I have the strength anymore to try and control anymore than that. My job is to simply Need and Stand. I think that's about it. God does the rest really. I tell God I need him, I stand in his truth - saying no to operating out of lies, and let him Save the day.

    I like the thought of that. ...letting my Dad protect and fight for me. ...oh, to sit and rest, and lay my head in his lap.

After all, the Almighty has claimed me as his Daughter.
He says he will be my father and I shall be a daughter to him.